thorns2roses

From the darkness to beauty.

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Archive for the ‘Personal’ Category

Personal thoughts, feelings, experiences, and so forth. These are things that I personally think about or want to discuss in a forum that allows other people to see what I am like and to experience things through my eyes. Comments welcome as long as they are at least politely written.

Sorry about the last week

Posted by 4love2love on July 18, 2011

I am sorry I haven’t been around the last week to post some things of interest, and I have a backlog of information I need to research and post.

I have to say I’m doing rather well at the moment, though busier than normal. I do work at Wal-Mart now and should be starting on the register Wednesday morning. I miss being a cashier, or working, period. I didn’t realized how much so until I started working.

I hope I can keep this job because I need the money and have to be able to pay my bills. Not to mention I haven’t worked in 10 years and I need to prove to myself I can do this. It’s just a hard road and I’m trying to re-balance everything so I can still do things I want to do along with the things I now have to do. I will be posting more, I promise.

I will definitely be doing some more work on Tuesday. This is going to be interesting, being that my boyfriend is coming in for a visit this week and possibly my brother for a night or part of a day. Anyways, keep reading because I will always post something, even if I take a break now and then.

Posted in Personal | Comments Off on Sorry about the last week

I Have a New JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by 4love2love on June 22, 2011

I’m so excited dear readers, I finally, after 2 years of searching, have gotten a job. I’ll be working at our local Wal-Mart and will be getting paid over minimum wage because of my experience and expertise. I may only be a cashier, but it’s something I’m familiar with and I’m damn good at it.

 

I haven’t worked for anyone else in over a decade. The guy that interviewed me said I interviewed really well, which kind of surprised me because I figured I would be really rusty after so long. But, I did a good job and now I just have to wait for the criminal background check to come back and the drug test results to come back and then I can start working.

 

I am SO excited!!!!!!!

 

I have to say that it would  not be possible for me to have gotten this job without the help of my job coach, Gerard who is very supportive and helpful as well as 2 of the best people in the world, Ronita and Stevie who have helped me in more ways than I can possibly list and have been a constant source of encouragement, faith and endless assistance.

 

Thanks to everyone who helped me end this 2 year struggle and the stress involved with not being able to find a job, all of which made it easier to keep trying to get something.. anything that would allow me to earn some money, which is so desperately needed.

 

And to my readers… never fear, I may take a day or 3 off here and there, but I will continue to keep posting all the freebies and news information I can as well as adding more of my recipes and some additional technical information that you may find useful in working with your computers so that you can keep them running efficiently and virus/bug free! ­čÖé

 

I really appreciate everyone who has been visiting my blog and hope to see more subscribers because I am not going to stop giving you information that you want and need for a very very long time. Who knows, I may be at this for years….

 

So keep visiting, checking in, subscribe to get updates and thank everyone who’s helped me get through this really rough patch in my life and allowed me to keep pushing on to get this job, however menial it may be, it’s still a job that I’m good at and I should do very well with! ­čÖé

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What Cooking Means To Me

Posted by 4love2love on June 8, 2011

I have a genetic issue that causes me to be prone to high cholesterol. Right now, I am on medication to help control that, but I have worked to modify my diet to help relieve some of the cholesterol that I intake. I also have Type 2 diabetes, which means that I have to watch starches, sugars and carbs. I also have to be careful of calories because I am overweight.

So for me, cooking is an experiment in keeping myself healthy and off as many medications as possible. Right now, my diabetes is diet controlled. So every day is a challenge to see how different foods and ingredients affect my sugar levels. I also have to consider the amount of cholesterol in my ingredients, because I would like to eventually not require the cholesterol medications. I’ve had great cholesterol until recently, but within the last few months, my cholesterol has steadily gotten worse. Now it’s time to work even harder to cook healthier, better food that will work on my overall health and help me lose weight at the same time.

I’m well over 80 lbs overweight, but my goal is to get back down to 200 for now, which will mean losing another 40lbs. It’s coming off slowly but it is coming off. 2 years ago I was in a wheelchair, and could not walk without assistance. I stopped taking most of my medication since a lot of them were painkillers and within 2 months I was able to walk again with a cane. I still need it sometimes and I still have to use the mobile carts in the stores when shopping most of the time, but I am doing much better than I had been.

I grew up cooking hamburger helper and whatnot because I was the only girl and the oldest child and my father did not cook at all except the occasional eggs for breakfast. Since then, I have learned to use wine and acid in my cooking to improve flavor and have gotten to where I use little to no oil in almost everything I cook. I have learned some techniques that serve me well in the kitchen and I get a great amount of praise for the things I do cook from friends and neighbors that have sat in my house and eaten what I’ve prepared.

Eventually I would like to go to some culinary school and learn much much more than what I know now, and eventually possibly write my own recipe books. I hope to make more items from scratch and use less shortcuts and be able to cook tasty, healthy food that will be good for anyone with any type of medical condition that puts them on dietary restrictions.

All my recipes can be modified rather easily, as I don’t cook with much salt, preferring herbs for flavor. I love spicy food, but I realize not everyone does and I know that sometimes people will need to cut back on some of the heat I add to many of my dishes. I love hot peppers, just not too hot, though I’m not afraid to try anything. I see things like frog legs and alligator at the market and I am always tempted to buy them because I want to experiment. I’ll take a recipe someone else has done and turn it around to suit me once I’ve experienced what they have created because I love to find new flavors, new combinations, new techniques.

Cooking isn’t just a passion for me, it’s a way to survive. It’s a way to make sure that I’m going to live another 30 or more years without having serious problems with my health.

I hope that, knowing that, you will appreciate the recipes I provide as I provide them for what they are, which is my learning and growing as a cook.

Posted in Cooking, General, Personal | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on What Cooking Means To Me

Writing

Posted by 4love2love on June 5, 2011

I used to spend a lot of my free time, when not playing games online, looking for work or playing with my dog, writing. I’ve written hundreds of stories and poems, but most of the good stuff never really gets finished. It frustrates me that I get bored with my own stories while other people find them interesting and intense. They wanna know what happens next. I’ve been thinking about starting a new book or going over a few of the ideas I had jotted down previously and seeing what I can come up with.

 

I’ve been told my work is publishable material but I guess there is this fear that I will be rejected or maybe the notoriety that comes with being published if you’re good enough to be published multiple times and sell a fair few books. I don’t like to be in the spotlight, I prefer to be behind the scenes. That’s part of why I rarely post my real picture on anything on the internet, because I don’t want to be seen or noticed.

 

Is this a natural fear or is it something that people use as an excuse not to complete something that they love to do? In school, I was one of the best writers in all my classes that required it, I could write an essay about anything if given some facts about what I was writing. I could write a book report that would make my teachers go find the books themselves and read them. So why all the shyness now? Why the fear of completing a work and it perhaps being accepted and end up being published?

 

There are so many stories to tell that float around in my head day in and day out, some so fascinating I’m not sure I can put them into words at all. I guess maybe that’s part of why I started this blog. So I can express myself behind the curtain of internet anonymity and perhaps find it in myself to write again in the way that I used to write.. with passion and fervor. I would love to take a few creative writing classes, but that’s not something I can pay for at the present time.

 

Today I wrote a proposition for a group that would assist the state and government agencies in making sure abused children are looked after. Taking them from their homes when needed, providing counselling, emergency housing, case workers that would visit their homes, be it their biological family’s home or the foster home they are moved to when an agency responsible for placing children has placed them. It felt good to write up that proposal for a business that could be an asset to the community of where I live and beyond, if enough funding were available to provide the facilities that would be necessary and the funding to pay the staff to deal with the issues, including administrators, accountants and so on. I only thought about it a few days before writing it all up after a discussion with one of my neighbors who has a daughter that has a degree in child psychology. I enjoyed writing up the proposal very much, and think that it’s about time I start getting serious about my writing again, even while I look for a job, mostly online, in hopes to return to gainful employment.

 

Maybe one of these days I’ll actually complete something besides a poem and it will be available for the world to see. I certainly hope so. I’ve wanted that since I was a child. I guess just somewhere along the lines, I started to shy away from my goals. I think it’s time to make some changes and start working on my writing again because it’s important to me. I need the ability to express myself, and this only gives me a partial outlet.

 

I will post further information as I work on this particular goal, and of course any news of employment.

Posted in Personal | Tagged: , , , | Comments Off on Writing

What am i doing here?

Posted by 4love2love on May 16, 2011

I guess everyone wonders at some point what their purpose is, what it is that they are doing on this planet. I know I’ve been wondering this my entire life. Or, at least, since I was about 9. Some people are blessed with a loving family, a life that makes them feel like they’re accomplishing something, education that gives them some┬ásatisfaction┬áin a goal they’ve already achieved… something, anything that keeps them tied here that makes them feel part of something.

I don’t think I’ve ever had that.

It’s a lonely life at the bottom. No education worth mentioning, no close family ties, very few wonderful childhood memories that aren’t attributed to someone already long gone. No job, no money and no end to the pain that goes on from day to day. Not the internal pain, the physical. The internal pain is there, but it’s nothing what it used to be. It doesn’t linger in every waking moment, filling every breath with dread of the next moment and leaving me, in the end, wishing I was dead or had never been born.

I still have those days, but they are fewer and farther between.

My pain could be worse, and at least most days I can still walk without help. My disease is not uncommon, but that doesn’t make the days go by any more quickly, or my situation any less dire. Money is a problem. Jobs here are scarce and I don’t know how much longer I can manage like this. Something has to give sooner or later because I’ve nowhere else to go.

Everyone should have someone to lean on, someone to confide in, someone they can turn to for help. I just wish I was one of those people.

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