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Posted by 4love2love on June 5, 2011

I used to spend a lot of my free time, when not playing games online, looking for work or playing with my dog, writing. I’ve written hundreds of stories and poems, but most of the good stuff never really gets finished. It frustrates me that I get bored with my own stories while other people find them interesting and intense. They wanna know what happens next. I’ve been thinking about starting a new book or going over a few of the ideas I had jotted down previously and seeing what I can come up with.


I’ve been told my work is publishable material but I guess there is this fear that I will be rejected or maybe the notoriety that comes with being published if you’re good enough to be published multiple times and sell a fair few books. I don’t like to be in the spotlight, I prefer to be behind the scenes. That’s part of why I rarely post my real picture on anything on the internet, because I don’t want to be seen or noticed.


Is this a natural fear or is it something that people use as an excuse not to complete something that they love to do? In school, I was one of the best writers in all my classes that required it, I could write an essay about anything if given some facts about what I was writing. I could write a book report that would make my teachers go find the books themselves and read them. So why all the shyness now? Why the fear of completing a work and it perhaps being accepted and end up being published?


There are so many stories to tell that float around in my head day in and day out, some so fascinating I’m not sure I can put them into words at all. I guess maybe that’s part of why I started this blog. So I can express myself behind the curtain of internet anonymity and perhaps find it in myself to write again in the way that I used to write.. with passion and fervor. I would love to take a few creative writing classes, but that’s not something I can pay for at the present time.


Today I wrote a proposition for a group that would assist the state and government agencies in making sure abused children are looked after. Taking them from their homes when needed, providing counselling, emergency housing, case workers that would visit their homes, be it their biological family’s home or the foster home they are moved to when an agency responsible for placing children has placed them. It felt good to write up that proposal for a business that could be an asset to the community of where I live and beyond, if enough funding were available to provide the facilities that would be necessary and the funding to pay the staff to deal with the issues, including administrators, accountants and so on. I only thought about it a few days before writing it all up after a discussion with one of my neighbors who has a daughter that has a degree in child psychology. I enjoyed writing up the proposal very much, and think that it’s about time I start getting serious about my writing again, even while I look for a job, mostly online, in hopes to return to gainful employment.


Maybe one of these days I’ll actually complete something besides a poem and it will be available for the world to see. I certainly hope so. I’ve wanted that since I was a child. I guess just somewhere along the lines, I started to shy away from my goals. I think it’s time to make some changes and start working on my writing again because it’s important to me. I need the ability to express myself, and this only gives me a partial outlet.


I will post further information as I work on this particular goal, and of course any news of employment.


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